Q2 5-Hour Work!

Over the past term, I've worked hard to catch myself when I feel myself starting to get testy with my brother, before I snap at him. Sometimes, I have snapped anyway, but definitely less than I usually would. I don't spend a lot of time with him; usually, we only spend time together in our car rides to school, because after school he runs track and I have homework and we both tend to hole up in the evenings. My family doesn't usually eat dinner together; sometimes I fetch takeout for Grant and I, but usually we fend for ourselves.

In the mornings I've been asking him what his day looks like. I used to get on his case about academics in the morning, but I've been trying to steer clear of judgment as best I can and talk to him about his frees, his electives, and the things he likes. The wonderful thing about my brother that I often take for granted (pun intended) is that he's forgiving and easygoing--these things usually translate to "forgetful" and "lazy" in my personal vocabulary, but they shouldn't. If I snap at him in the morning for two weeks straight, which has happened, and then on a new day I ask him about his friends or how he likes biology or what his weekend plans are or even computer games (which I know nothing of), it's easy to get him talking and he's not begrudging in the least. We spend a lot of time not talking, too, but that can be peaceful or awkward depending on how nice I'm being. A lot really hinges on that. It's terrible, actually.

I do think I've been nicer to him lately. Often I find myself wanting to reprimand him for things and simply hold my tongue. It's a hard thing to quantify, but it's significant.

I sat him down to talk to him about my attitude towards him. I've apologized before, but it doesn't usually change much. We both know I'm going to college next year; he says he's happy I'm leaving, and I forgive him that because I think we'll like each other better when I'm gone, and in the rest of our lives. When I talk to him about our relationship, he's quiet, grateful, and forgiving. I apologized, joked about how angry I get, joked about our differences, and he brushed it off. He's both an understanding person and one who simply doesn't want to expend any energy caring. The truth is that I'm luck he isn't as begrudging and miserly with his affections and hurts as I am, and that he's open to reconciling--the moment I'm up for some fun, it's as if that's what he's been waiting for all along.

Look! We are little children! I'm pretty sure we got along a little better back then, but not much. :)